Numbered Discourses 7.51

5. A Great Sacrifice

Yoking and Unyoking

“Bhikkhus, I will teach you an exposition of the teaching on yoking and unyoking. Listen and apply your mind well, I will speak. … And what is the exposition of the teaching on yoking and unyoking?

A woman focuses on her own femininity: her feminine moves, feminine appearance, feminine ways, feminine desires, feminine voice, and feminine adornment. She’s stimulated by this and takes pleasure in it. So she focuses on the masculinity of others: masculine moves, masculine appearance, masculine ways, masculine desires, masculine voice, and masculine adornment. She’s stimulated by this and takes pleasure in it. So she desires to yoke herself to another. And she desires the pleasure and happiness that comes from such yoking. Sentient beings who relish their femininity are yoked to men. This is how a woman does not transcend her femininity.

A man focuses on his own masculinity: his masculine moves, masculine appearance, masculine ways, masculine desires, masculine voice, and masculine adornment. He’s stimulated by this and takes pleasure in it. So he focuses on the femininity of others: feminine moves, feminine appearance, feminine ways, feminine desires, feminine voice, and feminine adornment. He’s stimulated by this and takes pleasure in it. So he desires to yoke himself to another. And he desires the pleasure and happiness that comes from such yoking. Sentient beings who relish their masculinity are yoked to women. This is how a man does not transcend his masculinity. This is how yoking comes about.

And how does unyoking come about? A woman doesn’t focus on her own femininity: her feminine moves, feminine appearance, feminine ways, feminine desires, feminine voice, and feminine adornment. She isn’t stimulated by this and takes no pleasure in it. So she doesn’t focus on the masculinity of others: masculine moves, masculine appearance, masculine ways, masculine desires, masculine voice, and masculine adornment. She isn’t stimulated by this and takes no pleasure in it. So she doesn’t desire to yoke herself to another. Nor does she desire the pleasure and happiness that comes from such yoking. Sentient beings who do not relish their femininity are not yoked to men. This is how a woman transcends her femininity.

A man doesn’t focus on his own masculinity: masculine moves, masculine appearance, masculine ways, masculine desires, masculine voice, and masculine adornment. He isn’t stimulated by this and takes no pleasure in it. So he doesn’t focus on the femininity of others: feminine moves, feminine appearance, feminine ways, feminine desires, feminine voice, and feminine adornment. He isn’t stimulated by this and takes no pleasure in it. So he doesn’t desire to yoke himself to another. Nor does he desire the pleasure and happiness that comes from such yoking. Sentient beings who do not relish their masculinity are not yoked to women. This is how a man transcends his masculinity. This is how unyoking comes about. This is the exposition of the teaching on yoking and unyoking.”